I have been confused for the last few days.
There was this woman whom I adored and loved in the last couple of years, and I believed I have not fully gotten over her yet. We were in some sort of a relationship for some times until she felt too much pressure and told me she wanted out. To make things more complicated, I see and work with her almost every day of my life.
It was hard, as always, to get back to the old life and carry on as if nothing had happened between us. She said she loves me as a friend and enjoys spending time with me. I was fun, that's what she said.
We had a deal that we would be together until one of us decided to quit.
I knew that somehow this is the life I am destined for. I needed to move forward and stop thinking of her as my beloved. I had to force myself to stop calling her with endearments everytime I speak to her. It was damn hard! I slipped once in a while, I can't help it but I believed I was making a very good progress for the last few months.
I told myself I can only do this if I put a distance between us, and lessen the time we spend together. And that's what I did. It really helped when I was told I had to go abroad for a week. It was great! It will help me heal. When I was away, I didn't call nor do I text her for the first two days. Only on the third day, I texted her.
The following day, after work, she made a video call and we talked for a few minutes. And the same thing again on the fifth day she video-called me. I thought nothing of these two incidents because it was normal for her to call.
It's been a week since I've been back. The day before yesterday, she asked if she could come to my place and hang out. I was buffled for a while because she hasn't come to my place since last Jan. I told her to come anyway, and yesterday she asked if I could cook something for her. She knows I like to cook so I told her yes I would cook for her.
She came around 3 and we had late lunch at my apartment. We were supposed to go out for an appointment at 5:30 so I thought nothing of that too. Somehow, things got a bit intimate between us and the rest is history.
Now I am confused. What am I to her?
2 years ago she told me she loved me. We had to be discreet because she has other commitment in life. Then, last year she told me there's nothing more between us. And now this? She was very firm and adamant when she broke my heart, but what happened yesterday was a complete reversal. She initiated it and pursued it.
I laid down at night, alone, and thought what's the deal?